


Loosey as a Goosey (And The Outstanding Reunion of One Harley Quinn and An Erstwhile Dropout)

by cosmicocean



Series: The Astonishing and Occasionally Somewhat Reluctant Friendship of One Harley Quinn and Mr. Bruce Wayne [1]
Category: Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020), DC Extended Universe
Genre: (despite bruce's best interest), Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, bruce wayne and harley quinn would be friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22840561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicocean/pseuds/cosmicocean
Summary: “Aw,” Harley says, putting a hand on her heart. “I’m touched. This is real gentlemanly of you.”Bruce doesn’t say anything, but even with the mask, Harley gets the impression she’s being sighed at, even though she's looking at him upside down.Where Harley compliments Bruce, Bruce is tired, and I completely run with the concept of Harley and Bruce knowing each other in med school and Harley being fully aware of who Bruce really is.
Series: The Astonishing and Occasionally Somewhat Reluctant Friendship of One Harley Quinn and Mr. Bruce Wayne [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1642048
Comments: 39
Kudos: 1007





	Loosey as a Goosey (And The Outstanding Reunion of One Harley Quinn and An Erstwhile Dropout)

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, this is Pattinson's Batman I'm picturing: we don't know what he's like yet, so I'm writing him as my ideal Batman.

“Aw,” Harley says, putting a hand on her heart. “I’m touched. This is real gentlemanly of you.” 

Bruce doesn’t say anything, but even with the mask, Harley gets the impression she’s being sighed at, even though she's looking at him upside down. The rope around her ankles is really starting to chafe. Who would’ve known being hung upside down by your ankles in an abandoned funhouse would ache so much? 

“Did the news about me being all captured and whatnot really make it across your radar?” 

“ _Everything_ comes across my radar,” Bruce says, ominously. 

“You coulda come and given a hand when we had that little dust up with Sionis, then, Brucie.” 

“You had it handled.” Bruce is definitely scowling now. “And don’t call me that.” 

Harley ignores the last comment. If anyone has the right to call him Brucie, it’s the woman who’s seen him vibrating on his twelfth cup of coffee while studying for finals. “It’s real surprisin’ that you’re takin’ that position, what with your textbook case of a savior complex.” 

She’s _definitely_ being sighed at now. She even heard that one. “I don’t have a-“ 

“Savior complex,” she tells him, matter of factly. " A psychological construct which makes a person feel the need to save other people. This person has a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificin' their own needs for these people. You’d know that if you didn’t drop out. Can’t believe you could go through all your bat trainin’ but med school’s the one that got you. I like the guns you got in your chest, there. They’re all nice and shiny. D’you ever pull them off and use them?”

“They don’t come off,” Bruce answers, definitely cranky now. “I don’t use guns."

“Ahhh, they’re for _aesthetic_. Very nice.”

“You’re dressed a lot… brighter than I remember.”

Harley beams, trying to wiggle her feet in her clear boots with the plastic butterflies glued to them before she remembers the ropes make that hard. “Ain’t it nice? Joker never did like me dressin’ too bright when he was around, said I stole his thunder. Hence, this.” She sweeps her arm down herself wide, a blue and rainbow romper and a sequined jacket. “I have made the executive decision that I will only now dress in things that are fun.”

She thinks Bruce’s lips might twitch. “Sound resolution.”

Harley pauses, thinking about it. “Hang on, weren’t you in Milan that week?”

Bruce harrumphs, which Harley finds _delightful._ He’s exactly the sort of guy who gives off the vibe of a harrumph but seems like he’d be morally principled to not do it. “Alfred… suggested it.”

“Aw, how is Alfred?”

“He’s fine.”

“So he made you go, huh?”

“The fresh air,” Bruce tells her, with the air of a moody teenager (and Harley can _definitely_ picture him as a moody teenager). “Would do me good.”

“Got stabbed or somethin’ not too long beforehand?”

“My bodily injuries are not important to you, Harley.”

“That’s not too friendly.” Harley remembers what she was driving at. “My _point_ was, so you were just outta town when all that shit went down with Sionis, thus preventin' your compulsion to enact behaviors dictated by your savior complex?”

Bruce glowers. “Do you want me to cut you down or not?"

“Oh, no, I’m good, but thank you. Very sweet of you.”

She’s not sure because she’s starting to get a little dizzy from being upside down, but she thinks Bruce’s eyes may widen very slightly, which is the Bruce Wayne equivalent of surprise. “What?”

“I mean, maybe not _good_ , I think all the blood’s rushin’ to my head, but I’m fine right here, thank you.”

Bruce is silent.

“I should’ve known,” he says eventually. “That the Joker wasn’t going to put out a bulletin saying he’d kidnapped Harley Quinn as vengeance for becoming a top tier villain and left her hanging for anyone to come and kill.”

“Oh, yeah? Why not?”

“The words _top tier villain_ wouldn’t enter into it.”

It’s Harley’s turn to scowl. “I _am_ a top tier villain, thank you very much.” She considers. “Although, you’ve got a point, Mistah J would rather choke than say that.” She waves a hand. “All's forgiven, Brucie.”

Bruce opens his mouth, probably to raise some ridiculous objection to Harley’s very affectionate and extremely reasonable pet name, when she hears a clanging of feet as Cassie charges across the railing from where she was a lookout at the entrance of the funhouse.

“Harley! He’s coming, so-“ She stops dead when she sees Bruce. “Whoa,” she whispers.

“Cassie, Batsy,” Harley introduces cheerfully. “Batsy, Cassie. Say, Bats, you mind lurkin' in the shadows for a moment, I don’t want this guy to get scared off by you, I put in all this work to be bait and you’re gonna spoil my moment.”

Even if Harley can’t see him rolling his eyes, she’s very sure he’s rolling his eyes. He does that thing with his cape where he waves it mysteriously over himself and darts into a corner. She looks up at Cassie and gives her a thumbs-up. Cassie, looking a little bewildered, gives her a thumbs-up in return and goes to hide in her spot.

“Well, well, well.”

Harley resists the urge to roll her eyes as the latest bounty hunt she’s been trying to reel in walks in, very slowly and she’s sure what he thinks is dramatic. He’s a Deadshot wannabe with an eyepatch. He’s got a pretty large gun, but that’s ultimately not a concern.

“Do you know Calendar Man?” she asks. “It feels like you’d know Calendar Man. Y’know, he’s covered in numbers-“

“I’ve been waiting for this a long time,” he continues like she hadn’t spoken, and she _does_ roll her eyes then.

“We’ve never even _met_.”

He continues to ignore her. Clear cut narcissist. Or maybe just a dick. “If I kill Harley Quinn, I’ll get the respect I deserve from this city’s stinking underworld.”

“Not _all_ of us stink, y'know. I have this shampoo, smells like coconut. I was thinkin’ about gettin’ this lilac perfume-“

The guy readies his gun and Harley sighs.

“Listen,” she says. “I’m flattered, honestly. Very nice that you think I’m such a big shot, which I am, I’ve even fooled Batman, y’know-“ and she can practically hear Bruce’s sigh, even if she knows he’s not actually doing it. “But I’m not really interested in being assassinated right now, I’ve just got too much goin’ on.”

The guy cocks the gun. Harley sighs even louder.

“Cass!” She calls out. “Let’s go!”

In one fluid motion, Harley bends herself up, pulls the knife she’d hidden in her belt, slashes the ropes holding her aloft, grabs the beanbag and glitter gun that Cassie throws in the air for her to catch, and shoots the guy in the face, all before she lands on the floor.

Then she stumbles and goes to her knees, because _ow_ , her feet are asleep, pins and needles.

“Oof,” she mumbles. She looks up at the guy, who’s stirring a little bit, only for him to get bonked on the head by a rock and go back down. Harley looks up to see Cassie leaning against the railing, beaming at the sight of her shot being so accurate.

“Good job, kid!” she calls.

Cassie grins and raises her hands in victory. The railing breaks, and she flails. Harley struggles to sit up so she can try and move to catch her, but as Cassie falls, there’s a _thwap_ noise, and she’s caught by Bruce, who swings by on his grappling hook. He lands on the ground and gently puts Cassie on her feet. 

“Whoa,” Cassie repeats. 

“Aw, thanks, Batsy,” Harley says. “Class act. You wanna go to the car, Cassie, get a girl some rope to tie this guy up with?” 

“Sure thing.” Cassie runs out the funhouse door and Harley beams up at Bruce. 

“Your sidekick’s suit looks like wallpaper." 

“It’s _fashionable_ wallpaper.” 

“If you say so.” 

“And she’s not my sidekick, she’s my _protégé_ ,” she tells him proudly. “Look at her! Throwing me guns, hittin’ guys with rocks. She’s gonna be a real hellraiser, just a couple years.” 

“Glad to see you’re corrupting the city’s youth,” Bruce says dryly. 

“I gotta give back _somehow_.” 

“You never ratted me out to the Joker.” 

Harley blinks. “What now?” 

“My name. You never gave it to him. You never told him who I was.” 

Harley shifts a little, experimentally poking her feet into the ground to see if she can stand on them yet. “Well. He never asked.” She gives Bruce a look. “I’m no _narc_ , Brucie. There’s a _code._ I’m not sure what it entails, but there’s definitely a no snitchin’ policy.” 

Bruce’s lips twitch again. He holds out a hand and she gratefully takes it, letting him help her to her feet. She leans back and forth on her feet, satisfied that they’ll hold her. 

“Much obliged.” She pats her face. “Ooh, all the blood’s rushin’ outta my face again. My makeup alright?” 

“It’s fine. Very glittery, but I’m sure that’s on purpose.” 

She bats her eyelashes at him, knowing the gold glitter eyeshadow she’s got on will sparkle. “Sure is.” 

“I got the rope!” Cassie dashes back in and tosses it to Harley. “You do it. I’m no good with knots.” 

“Isn’t that part of your apprenticeship?” 

“Fuck that.” 

“Atta girl.” Harley gives Bruce a salute. “Thanks for the thought, Batsy. I’ll be sure not to let the other villains know what a softie you are.” 

“I’m not a softie,” Bruce answers wearily. He turns to Cassie and holds out his hand. “I’d like my batarang back, please.” 

Cassie stares at him. “Your what?” 

“The batarang you took off me when I caught you. I’d like it back.” 

Cassie glares at him and sullenly pulls the batarang from her pocket, handing it over. Harley gasps. 

“You tried to pickpocket _Batman?_ ” She squeals, dropping the rope to give Cassie a hug, repeatedly patting her on the top of the head. “I am so _proud_ of you! Oh my god, we gotta celebrate. Do you want martinis? No, wait, Renee said she’d kneecap me if I forgot you were a kid again. Oooh, what about pancakes? With like, sprinkles-“ 

“ _Harley_ ,” Cassie whines. “You’re _squeezing_ me." 

Harley lets her go, and they look around to see that Bruce has disappeared. 

“Yeah, he does that,” she says happily. “You’ll get used to it. C’mon, let’s get this guy all tied up and dump him, bounty definitely said we gotta take him in alive." 

**Author's Note:**

> It was literally on the walk back from the theater after seeing Birds of Prey this afternoon that I thought of this fic.
> 
> I just love the idea of Harley and Bruce knowing who each other are SO MUCH, you guys. I have two more fics planned in this series. 
> 
> Coming up with image references for this was so much fun, y'all.
> 
> [For y’all who may have missed it, this is a closeup of Pattinson’s Batman logo.](https://cdn1-www.comingsoon.net/assets/uploads/2020/02/the-batman-suit.jpg)
> 
> [This is Cassandra’s outfit, but obviously scaled down for a kid size. I also picture her as having that adorable little heart drawn on her cheek same as Harley’s cause come on, that’s so cute.](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/368098969542222057/)
> 
> [Harley’s romper.](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/582864376760406653/)
> 
> [Harley’s boots.](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/633529872566880090/)
> 
> [Harley’s jacket.](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/213217363595867369/)
> 
> [Every once in a while one of my fics gets a bunch of comments in a cluster from different users, and I’m pretty sure at this point it’s because it’s been recced. Which is exciting! But I’d love to see it when it happens, so here’s a link to my tumblr! Feel free to tag me!](https://cosmicoceanfic.tumblr.com/)


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